Oasis:  I'm Outta Time

I really have no idea what I'm feeling right now.  It's not good, regardless.  I'm not really sad or angry or anything.  I'm indecisive, I suppose.

I can't really figure out what the correct course of action is anymore.  I'm tending to go with the "well, I tried it my way, and this is how it turned out, so I'll try it your way."  Though, I have a feeling that "your way" isn't really what you want either.  And, overall, it just feels like I'm selling out.  I can't shake the feeling that it doesn't have to be this way.  I can't escape what I've been saying all this time, even in the face of evidence that I may have been wrong in assuming that people can overcome these boundaries.

I think the major issue I'm having is that this all sounds so much like despair.  It doesn't have to be complicated, really.  I've been giving thought to owning up to my namesake.  Given that if I look back at the last couple of years, everything has been pretty disastrous.  Gen.  Liz.  Sean/Suzanne.  Ally.  I mean, there are probably plenty of more, but really those are the big ones.  "Until it eats the heart from your soul, keeps down the sound of your silent sigh."

I'm coming to realize that I'm much more scarred than I was originally owning up to.  I thought that I could just keep going, but I'm beginning to believe I might have been fooling myself.  Which is odd, since I'm generally pretty bad at convincing myself of things that aren't true.  I was never very good at pretending things.

I'm torn between my desire to be alone all the time, and to have a companion.  But, so far, I haven't found anyone who could stand beside me.  It makes me wonder if it really is just me, afterall.